My Life Amongst the Naked Russian Men
I thought about writing a New Years post or some sort of wrap-up but in the end I couldn't be bothered. Plus I was on a train from the 30th to January 3rd so I kind of missed my chance. Anyways, I hope everyone had a happy holiday and didn't choke to death on their own vomit hours into 2009. The real pros wait until January 2nd for that stuff.

So I spent a nice Christmas in St. Catharines with the family. Got there on the 17th and Yummy Udon came into town for a visit on the 18th, which was nice, although for the life of me I can't remember much of what we did besides getting my mom's Prius stuck in the crazy snowstorms and roaming the malls dodging tweens.

The tweens in St. Cats weren't nearly enough for us, though, so we went to Toronto on the 21st and hit up Yorkdale Mall for even more of the aforementioned, being joined in the act by my textual predator brother Andrew and nearly managing to work through our Christmas lists - while simultaneously working through a style overhaul courtesy Andrew and Banana Republic - before succumbing to exhaustion and escaping to the snowbound streets.

Spent the night in Toronto at Casa del Udon, eating good cheap Mexican food on Bloor and then braving the terrors of winter to hit up the Ice Lounge on the Danforth, where Yummy Udon's friend's boyfriend was celebrating his birthday by pouring Grey Goose and spraying champagne while the DJ bumped Lady Gaga in a private lounge. We lasted a couple hours and then went home.

The next day I picked up Terry and caught up with Andrew and the three of us headed back down the QEW to St. Cats, making a quick stop for Wendy's/Dairy Queen and a long stop for traffic. Got the kids home and we spent the next few days getting ready for Christmas by wandering the malls again, watching terrible TV and loading up on booze.

Anyways we celebrated my mom's birthday with Chinese food and then my dad came home and eventually it was Christmas and everything was suitably wonderful. Everyone loved their presents and we ate well and were lazy all day and yeah, sugarplums danced etc. It was good.

After Christmas Andrew fled for the big city and then my dad tried (and almost failed) to make his getaway back to the small city, only to be foiled by terrible weather and stalled in Montreal. Terry and I spent a few days with my mom and the cats, watching the World Juniors, eating McDonald's and playing online poker before we, too, fled back to Toronto.

Spent a day in Toronto searching for ear muffs (long story) before hooking up with YU at her domicile and playing Rock Band with her family all night. We also watched the world's worst movie, entitled "Dark Rising" and starring one of her friends - I bought it for $5 at Walmart. On the plus side, it had monsters, lesbians and a heroine in a leather bikini. All it needed was heavy machinery and it was a 12-year-old's wet dream.

The next day was spent getting ready for our train ride across the country. I take the train more often than I change my underwear (not really but), but this ride would be special b/c we were riding first class over New Years and thus it would be incredible or something.

Train left Toronto at 10ish in the evening and we spent the day packing and procrastinating, only to find ourselves rushing to the station and furiously repacking outside the boarding area. Eventually we got on board, found our berths and settled in for four days of glamour, romance and toilets backed up by the frozen, -40 degree weather outside.

It was fun, though. We left Toronto beneath the city lights and a light snowfall and after some champagne fell asleep somewhere in the Muskokas. Woke up in Sudbury and then for good a few miles down the line and spent the day comfortably half-asleep in Northern Ontario, which was snowy and monotonous and beautiful.

That night was New Years Eve and we ate an incredible five-course meal with a retired schoolteacher from Kelowna before spending the last hours of 2008 up in the dome car somewhere in the middle of nowhere, sipping champagne and cocktails while sugar-crazed youngsters ran up and down the aisles passing out party hats and beads like prepubescent Spring Break frat boys.

Anyways then it was 2009. I have to say it was a nice way to spend the evening - no unrealistic expectations, no bars, no line outside the bars, no vomit, no Times Square. Just a comfortable, low-key night that still makes a better story than, "I spent the night watching Mr. Bean specials at my mom's house."

Woke up on January 1st, 2009 in Winnipeg, where the train was stopped for four hours and the weather was around -25. Woke up late and caught up with YU in a convenience store somewhere in downtown Winnipeg. We wandered the deserted streets for an hour or so, checking out the Parliament Buildings, the art gallery and a bar called "High and Lonesome" that made an audacious claim the specifics of which I can't remember. This, too, was a nice way to spend the first day of 2009. The snow was fine and powdery and glittered like diamonds and the air was bracingly cold. The streets were quiet and it felt like we had the city to ourselves. Then we got cold, really cold, and headed to the Forks to look at Hello Kitty merchandise and fake Asian accessories.

After coffee at the Forks we got back on the train and headed back out into the Prairies, which were vast and stark and monotonous. To amuse ourselves we read, played chess (I lost, repeatedly) and ate (the food was amazing) and somewhere along the line we watched Devil's Advocate although I think that was the night before.

Just after Winnipeg an amusing sub-plot to our trip emerged, in that it was so cold outside the toilet lines on half the train froze. In our first sleeping car our bathroom refused to function, which was an inconvenience to us and a major issue for those with bedrooms, who have to ride with their toilet sitting right beside their beds throughout the trip.

We got moved to a different car and thankfully, the toilets remained functional as the rest of the train saw their lines gradually freeze. By the time we got to Vancouver, fully three of the four economy class toilets were out and the conductor spent most of his time ushering the 125 coach class riders back to sample our cisterns.

More great dinner, this time with a rather taciturn couple from Tumbler Ridge, BC, a quick stop in Melville, Saskatchewan, where it was like -40, and then back on the train and asleep once more, this time accompanied not only by the rattle and crash of the train speeding across the plains but by the dulcet tones of the woman across the aisle, who'd loudly hush anyone and everyone who dared speak as they passed her berth.

Woke up somewhere after Edmonton and watched the sun rise over rural Alberta, waiting for the Rockies to arrive. They did. Somehow we managed to finagle seats in the dome car and spent the day in awe of the wonders of the natural world and of the lives of the talkers with whom we shared the lounge.

Jasper was suitably cold and suitably beautiful. We wandered a bit and then sought refuge in the station, jealously watching the other passengers devour their greasy food as we awaited reboarding and our dinner reservation.

Anyways, we got seats in the dome once more and rode out the day watching the sun set between the mountains and watching the other passengers go crazy over photo ops while recovering from our mutual shock that the digestive cookies contained beef.

One last wonderful dinner, this time with a couple of artists from Victoria and then I lost at chess once more before we went to bed. Woke up to snow and thought the train was crazy late, but instead the snowpocalypse had descended on Vancouver and when we arrived that morning the city was under snowbound seige.

I hadn't bothered to insure Erica for December or January (and besides it was snowing!) so transportation was a bit of an issue. I rented a Toyota Matrix and drove it out to Coquitlam, where after a bit of recuperation we headed out to find what I'm told is the only jinjabang in Canada.

A jinjabang is I guess like a bathhouse, but more spiritual, and YU wanted to pay it a visit, so we did. We searched it out and eventually found it behind a women's fitness center and I proceeded to spend the next hour surrounded by naked Russian men, alternating between the hot tub, the sauna, the shower and the "Salt Room." It was more relaxing than I'm letting on and even though there were showers on the train, it felt good to wash the grime off and relax a bit.

The next day we spent two terrible hours digging out the rental car, which had somehow become lodged on a snowbank on the side of the road, and with the help of my landlady we got it going just in time to head downtown and grab lunch at Granville Island. Lunch and pie - A La Mode in the public market was a tradition of ours years ago and was just as good as we remembered it.

Afterwards we checked into a hotel in the West End (Oceanside - good, cheap, a block from Denman and the ocean) and that night we braved yet another terrible snowfall and fifteen stalled buses on the Granville Street bridge to hit up Me and Julios on Commercial Drive. Due to the snow the restaurant was nearly deserted so, for once, finding a table was no problem. The tacos were as great as ever.

Spent the next day at work and then wandered out into Stanley Park, from which the view of the Vancouver lights in the mist at dusk were almost Dickensian. Once the sun had set we watched Canada clinch the World Juniors over Sweden and then headed out for some more wandering, this time to Banana Leaf for Malaysian food and then Death By Chocolate, where the proprietor confronted us with the startling news that he wasn't able to offer us any of their luscious deserts because it was a Monday and, well, the economy. We convinced him otherwise and I tipped him well after we'd enjoyed the eponymous dessert.

Right, the next day we wandered Chinatown in the rain, ate too much Dim Sum and then caught a bus to Victoria. But I think I'll remain about a week behind on this blog and cut things off there. I've written far too much already.

***

Anyways, in the spirit of New Year's lists, here's how I spent 2008:

January:
Woke up January 1st on an Amtrak train outside Seattle and in transit to Vancouver. Spent a couple days in Vancouver before flying to the Bahamas. Worked. Flew from the Bahamas to Melbourne, Australia. Worked. Flew from Australia to Vancouver. Spent a week or so at home.

February:
Flew to Dortmund, Germany. Worked. Flew to Vancouver and immediately drove to Victoria to celebrate my grandmother's birthday. Headed back to Vancouver and quickly caught a 17-hour-bus to Calgary. Spent a week in Red Deer, Alberta, with my friend Phill. Caught another long-ass bus ride home. Flew to Los Angeles. Worked.

March:
Flew back to Vancouver for a few days, then flew to Poland. Worked in Warsaw. Flew to Dublin. Spent three days writing in Dublin and then five days working. Flew back to Vancouver. Saw Bruce Springsteen in concert.

April:
Flew to Rhode Island. Worked at Foxwoods. Flew to Louisville. Worked at Caesars Indiana. Flew back to Vancouver. Spent a few days at home, then flew to Las Vegas. Worked at Bellagio, took a day off and then worked at Caesars Palace.

May:
Flew back to Vancouver. Spent a couple weeks at home. Flew to Costa Rica. Worked. Flew back to Vancouver. Spent a day in Vancouver, then flew to Las Vegas.

June:
Worked in Las Vegas.

July:
Worked in Las Vegas. Then flew back to Vancouver. Spent a few days in Vancouver and then flew to PEI for a much-needed vacation on the beach.

August:
Flew back to Vancouver. Spent a few days in Vancouver and then flew epically to Uruguay. Worked in Uruguay and then flew epically home. From here I believe I went to Victoria for a weekend and then flew to Ontario. Visited my mom and watched three Jays games with Jesse before heading up to Gananoque for the DoJo wedding. Spent a week celebrating.

September:
Flew back from Toronto and spent a few days in Vancouver before flying to Barcelona. Worked. Took an overnight train to Paris and the Eurostar to London. Worked (including a 26-hour-day). Switched hotels. Worked.

October:
Worked in London. Flew to Toronto. Spent a few days with my mom. Moved to the Hilton in Niagara Falls. Worked. Moved back to St. Cats and visited with my mom some more. Spent a day in Toronto and then flew back to Vancouver, where I spent a few more days. Then flew to Chicago.

November:
Worked in Hammond, Indiana. Flew home. Watched Obama make history. Flew to Las Vegas. Worked for a few days. Watched Peter Eastgate make his own kind of history. Flew back to Vancouver, spent 30 hours at home before flying to Poland. Worked in Warsaw. Was delayed in Amsterdam. Finally got back to Vancouver and spent 16 hours on home turf before catching a train to Toronto. Arrived in Toronto. Spent a week with Yummy Udon.

December:
Flew to Mexico. Relaxed. Worked a bit. Relaxed some more. Flew to Prague. Worked some. Flew to Philadelphia. Worked in Atlantic City. Took a train to Buffalo and a cab to St. Cats. Visited my mom. Spent the night in Toronto. Celebrated Christmas with my family. Spent another night in Toronto. Got on a train. Spent New Years on a train in transit to Vancouver.

It was a wild year. Here's hoping this year will be just as wild, if a little more productive.

O